Falling Off My Pedestal

The Fringe Benefits of Failure, and the Importance of Imagination | Harvard Magazine

Commencement address by JK Rowling.  From the transcript:

"Unlike any other creature on this planet, humans can learn and understand, without having experienced. They can think themselves into other people’s places.

Of course, this is a power, like my brand of fictional magic, that is morally neutral. One might use such an ability to manipulate, or control, just as much as to understand or sympathise.

And many prefer not to exercise their imaginations at all. They choose to remain comfortably within the bounds of their own experience, never troubling to wonder how it would feel to have been born other than they are. They can refuse to hear screams or to peer inside cages; they can close their minds and hearts to any suffering that does not touch them personally; they can refuse to know.

I might be tempted to envy people who can live that way, except that I do not think they have any fewer nightmares than I do. Choosing to live in narrow spaces leads to a form of mental agoraphobia, and that brings its own terrors. I think the wilfully unimaginative see more monsters. They are often more afraid.

What is more, those who choose not to empathise enable real monsters. For without ever committing an act of outright evil ourselves, we collude with it, through our own apathy."

Read or watch the whole thing - full transcript and video are at the link.

If you're not singing or dancing a little bit at the end of this - well, maybe check your pulse... ;-)

Picked up my copy of karenhealey‘s debut YA novel “Guardian Of The Dead” from the PO yesterday (hardback edition from The Book Depository $20). Am halfway through it, and I should be catching up on sleep from the last few weeks, but I don’t think I’ll be doing that till I’ve finished reading it.

It is very very very good. If this is what she can do with a first novel, I can’t wait for the next one. Like me, Karen is a Kiwi/mid/south Cantabrian expat living in Australia and a huge fan of Margaret Mahy, one of the best writers to come out of NZ, and one of the best kids/YA writers in the world full stop. There are homages to one of Mahy’s most famous YA novels, “The Changeover” (if you love “Guardian Of The Dead” and haven’t read “The Changeover” remedy that ASAP.), but “Guardian” is not an imitation. It is original and beautiful, and if I were Margaret Mahy (oh, I wish), I would be thrilled to bits to have influenced someone who writes as well as this. I am grinning like a loon at all the familiar NZ/Canterbury references in “Guardian”, and having random attacks of nostalgia. Her characters are wonderful, and I would have LOVED to have read this as a teen - Ellie would have been an instant literary friend.

Here is a link to a short story by Karen “Queen Of The Kitchen”, and info on her novel is at the same website. Buy, read, enjoy!

Karen, I was in Borders today, and there were half a dozen or so copies of the paperback displayed prominently in the YA section - face out. Very exciting!

Divorcing Your Parents - Well Blog - NYTimes.com

I could have really used reading something like this a few years back, so thought I'd post it for the benefit of anyone struggling with poisonous parents now.

... fathers are no less responsible for the care of their children than mothers.


Couple get life in jail for murder of daughter | The Australian



THE murder of the seven-year-old girl was prolonged and excruciating.

Starved by her drug-addicted parents over a period of 20 months, little Ebony deteriorated from a chubby 20kg girl in March 2006 to an emaciated wreck of a child who weighed just 9kg when she died in November 2007.

Yesterday, almost two years after Ebony’s lifeless body was found on her squalid, urine-soaked mattress, her killers -- her own mother and father -- were brought to account.

Her mother, 36, who earlier this year was found guilty of Ebony’s murder at Hawks Nest on NSW’s north coast, was sentenced to life in prison, with no chance of release on parole.

Ebony’s father, 48, who was convicted of his daughter’s manslaughter, was sentenced to 16 years behind bars. He will be eligible for parole after serving 12 years.

Before the couple’s sentences were handed down in the NSW Supreme Court yesterday, Justice Robert Hulme recounted the gruesome details of the crime.

When Ebony, who was autistic, died on November 3, 2007, aged seven years and seven months, she was so malnourished that forensic pathologist Kasinathan Nadesan described her body as “wasted and dehydrated. It looked almost like a mummy to me.”

Her face was distorted, her eyes sunken. There was just a thin layer of skin stretched over her skull. Rigor mortis did not set in because Ebony had virtually no muscles.

The girl’s clothing and bedding were covered with urine and vomit stains; her hair was matted, with faecal remnants trapped in it. And Ebony’s lungs were pink and clean -- consistent with someone who had rarely ventured outdoors. Indeed, the girl was kept a virtual prisoner in her room which, the judge noted, contained not a single toy or decoration, other than a picture of a “sad-looking little girl”.

Justice Hulme said that in the latter part of Ebony’s life, both parents were “so absorbed in their own lives that they did not care about her”.

Ebony, who had three siblings, was excluded from every family celebration and was absent in every family photo taken from July 2006 onwards because, according to her mother, the girl “would make a nuisance of herself on such occasions”.

The judge said the couple’s reckless indifference towards Ebony was “morally reprehensible”.

“The lack of parental love and concern is further confirmed by the fact that in the fortnight between her death and their arrest they made no inquiry whatsoever about when her body would be released from the morgue and they gave no thought to a funeral”.

Justice Hulme said Ebony’s mother had been “unimaginably heartless and cruel”.

“She witnessed her suffering over an extended period and chose not to lift a finger to help her,” he said.

And he said the girl’s father, who was placing internet bets on horse races in the hours after his daughter’s death, “could show no less love to his child”.

Throughout Ebony’s life, she was sporadically taken to see medical specialists for her various ailments, including her speech problems, and her impaired mental development.

But her parents rarely followed up on therapies and recommended programs.

Seven months before Ebony’s death, officers from the NSW Department of Community Services attended the family’s home in relation to the girl’s two older sisters.

The officers asked the mother about Ebony, but she did not allow them to see her daughter because “she was sleeping and would be too distressed to know that the department is involved”.

If there is only one post of mine that you ever read, if there is only one link that I post that you click on, please let it be this one:


Another post about rape « Fugitivus

From this post:

“If women are raised being told by parents, teachers, media, peers, and all surrounding social strata that:

* it is not okay to set solid and distinct boundaries and reinforce them immediately and dramatically when crossed (”mean bitch“)
* it is not okay to appear distraught or emotional (”crazy bitch“)
* it is not okay to make personal decisions that the adults or other peers in your life do not agree with, and it is not okay to refuse to explain those decisions to others (”stuck-up bitch“)
* it is not okay to refuse to agree with somebody, over and over and over again (”angry bitch“)
* it is not okay to have (or express) conflicted, fluid, or experimental feelings about yourself, your body, your sexuality, your desires, and your needs (”bitch got daddy issues“)
* it is not okay to use your physical strength (if you have it) to set physical boundaries (”dyke bitch“)
* it is not okay to raise your voice (”shrill bitch“)
* it is not okay to completely and utterly shut down somebody who obviously likes you (”mean dyke/frigid bitch“)

If we teach women that there are only certain ways they may acceptably behave, we should not be surprised when they behave in those ways.

And we should not be surprised when they behave these ways during attempted or completed rapes.

Women who are taught not to speak up too loudly or too forcefully or too adamantly or too demandingly are not going to shout ”NO“ at the top of their goddamn lungs just because some guy is getting uncomfortably close.

Women who are taught not to keep arguing are not going to keep saying ”NO.“

Women who are taught that their needs and desires are not to be trusted, are fickle and wrong and are not to be interpreted by the woman herself, are not going to know how to argue with ”but you liked kissing, I just thought…“

Women who are taught that physical confrontations make them look crazy will not start hitting, kicking, and screaming until it’s too late, if they do at all.

Women who are taught that a display of their emotional state will have them labeled hysterical and crazy (which is how their perception of events will be discounted) will not be willing to run from a room disheveled and screaming and crying.

Women who are taught that certain established boundaries are frowned upon as too rigid and unnecessary are going to find themselves in situations that move further faster before they realize that their first impression was right, and they are in a dangerous room with a dangerous person.”

The whole post is very important, please click and read and pass on.

My response: This is so spot-on, so right, and so beautifully and strongly written. I remember as a child and teenager thinking about these things, how was I going to use the self-defence classes my parents sent me to, what use was it them (parents) telling me how to protect myself against attackers, when they were forever telling me not to talk so loudly, so much, be so opinionated. When they expected me just to let doctors and physios do painful things to my body without crying or saying no, how was I supposed to stop strangers from hurting me?

No wonder I know so many women with disabilities who have been raped. Not only are we at higher risk from predators and abusers, we also have a double dose of social brainwashing to silence and disempower us. If you have a disability you are not supposed to talk about how you are treated, how you are abused and neglected. It is “too depressing” for the rest of the world to hear about. We are supposed to go along with the myths and misconceptions that “no one would abuse a person with a disability”, that everyone looks after us, that rape is all about sex, not power, and who would want to rape a woman with a disability, after all, we are not sexually desirable. Always forgetting that rape and abuse is about POWER, not sex, not desire.

I am lucky. I have not been raped. I have been in several nearly-not-quite situations and many outright abusive medical situations, but I have not been raped. I am lucky. That is all it is, luck. Nothing to do with what I did or didn’t do. I am not better or smarter or stronger than anyone I know who has been raped. I am just luckier.

This post is public, and can be linked to.

This is a really good one-stop-shop link of ways to help the victims of the Victorian bushfires


Bushfire - Other Ways to Give - ourcommunity.com.au

*This* is why.


The man up the road is on fire | Herald Sun

CAROL Kane desperately searched evacuation centres in Bendigo for her husband, confident he had been rescued.

But Kevin “Mick” Kane, ill and housebound, did not make it out of his home alive.

Ms Kane began looking for Mick after fire ripped through the suburb of Long Gully, obliterating their home.

Neighbour Jenny Carolan said she spoke to Ms Kane on Saturday night at the Eaglehawk Leisure Centre, one of Bendigo’s evacuation points.

Ms Kane believed someone had saved her ill husband, who relied on a walking stick and a motorised scooter.

“I said, ‘Where is Mick?’ and Carol said, ‘We can’t find him’. She was pretty calm, she thought he’d been evacuated,” Ms Carolan said.

Mr Kane died alone in his Daniel St home as fire ripped through Long Gully after 5.30pm Saturday.



And, yes, there are ‘people’ who are asking that question. From the comfort of their safe homes.

ETA - Crap, the link from Karen’s post to the Red Cross hasn’t copied - please click through to her post.

ETA again - it takes a while to get through to the Red Cross via phone, but be patient.

For anyone who doesn’t already know, Victoria is in the grips of one of the worst bush fire tragedies in Australia’s history. One of the most appalling things about this is that many of these fires WERE DELIBERATELY LIT. The rest of this post is from karenhealey she says it better than I could and has a fantastic way for people to help from all over the world. I’m about to donate money now.

http://karenhealey.livejournal.com/750660.html

As predicted, yesterday’s horrific heat, at the end of a 34 day dry spell, resulted in fires all over south-eastern Australia.

But the fires were very fast, and very furious, and in addition to widespread devastation have utterly destroyed at least two towns: Marysville and Kinglake. At least 84 people are reported dead, and that number is expected to rise.

I have been through Kinglake several times. I’ve stayed at a home near there (at last check the inhabitants were fine), walked through the beautiful bush, helped clear the scrub. That’s land I’ve worked, and now it’s a sooty wasteland.

All those people; all those homes; all that life. It’s one of the worst natural disasters in Australia’s colonial recorded history.

Except that it’s not entirely natural. Criminologists estimate that about half of Australia’s fires are set by humans. Arsonists have been spotted helping the fires spread or relighting fires that have been controlled or extinguished. I would cheerfully strangle each one of those murderous assholes, but, you know, I can’t, so rather than restrict myself to black curses, I thought I would do something more productive.

I’m hereby announcing the Fuck You Firebugs Donation Drive. I’m supposed to be getting an advance cheque in the very near future, so I’m in a position to do this: I’ll match, dollar for dollar (up to five hundred dollars) every donation to the Australian Red Cross Victorian Bushfires Appeal that you make.

Because, seriously, fuck those guys.

How it works:

1) You go to the Victorian Bushfires Appeal website and make a donation.

2) You come back to this post (http://karenhealey.livejournal.com/750660.html) and tell me how much you donated. (All comments are screened; I’m the only one who’ll see your name and the donation amount, unless you request otherwise).

3) I announce donation totals as we go, and make my contribution.

4) BAM! Your donation just doubled.

5) Fuck you, firebugs!

Feel free to spread the word, even if you can’t afford to make a contribution yourself. I have great faith in the power of dispersed communities to make a real difference. It’s my view that the only answer to people being evil is people being good - compassionate, generous, and supportive in the face of atrocity beyond comprehension.

http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=569510

Beijing guide labels disabled ‘unsocial’

17:01 AEST Mon May 26 2008

1 hour 20 minutes ago


Disabled people can be unsocial, stubborn, controlling, defensive and have a strong sense of inferiority, according to an official Beijing Olympics guide set to spark outrage in the disabled community.

The Olympic manual for volunteers in Beijing is peppered with patronising comments, noting for example that physically disabled people are “often” mentally healthy.

Volunteers at the Olympics and Paralympics are instructed not to call Paralympians or disabled spectators “crippled” or “lame”, even if they are “just joking”.

The document, which indicates the Chinese hosts could use a swift education in political correctness, says the optically disabled “seldom show strong emotions”.

“Physically disabled people are often mentally healthy,” adds a copy of the guide, obtained by AAP.

“They show no differences in sensation, reaction, memorisation and thinking mechanism from other people, but they might have unusual personalities because of disfigurement and disability.

”For example, some physically disabled are isolated, unsocial, and introspective; they usually do not volunteer to contact people.

“They can be stubborn and controlling; they may be sensitive and struggle with trust issues.

”Sometimes they are overly protective of themselves, especially when they are called crippled or paralysed.“

Volunteers are instructed never to ”stare at their disfigurement“.

”A patronising or condescending attitude will be easily sensed by them, even for a brain damaged patient (though he cannot control his limbs, he is able to see and understand like other people).

“Like most, he can read your body language,” says the 2008 volunteer guide.

“Show respect when you talk with them.

”Do not use cripple or lame, even if you are just joking.

“Though life has handed many difficulties to them, disabled people are often independent and self-reliant.

”Volunteers should offer assistance on a basis of equality and mutual respect...

“Disabled people can be defensive and have a strong sense of inferiority.”

China’s treatment of the disabled has in the past angered swimming great Dawn Fraser, who cited it as one reason she won’t be going to Beijing.

She said in April she had seen disabled athletes spat on in the streets in Beijing during university games in the mid-1990s.

Volunteers at the Beijing Games are also given some very specific instructions on how to sit, stand, walk and talk properly.

A handshake should last from three to five seconds, the manual states, and the body and arm should form a 60 degree angle.

An “appropriate” personal space on social occasions is from 1.2 to 3.6 metres, but for work colleagues it is 1.2 to 2.1 metres, and 2.1 to 3.6 metres is good for strangers.

When sitting, volunteers are told to avoid hooking the chair with one foot (“low-class and boorish”), stretching out their legs (“rough”), crossing the legs in a “4” shape (“cocky and impolite”) and continually changing positions (“underbred”).

When standing, the guide warns against shaking any part of the body (“careless”), putting two hands in pockets (“frivolous”), crossing both arms (“defensive”), standing with two arms or one arm akimbo (“offensive”) and standing with two legs crossed (“too easygoing”).

It says taking steps too large or too small looks “strained”, though it does not specify how large the step should be.

The Olympics run from August 8-24, while the Paralympics follow from September 6-17.